Biology 生物 Personal Statement 范例之十四

University has always appealed to me because of the wealth of experiences it has to offer as a student. Although I enjoy a wide variety of subjects: An A level subject that I am especially keen to study is Biology. For me, the main appeal of the course lies in the variety of topics that will be covered. The aspects of Biology I find particularly interesting are cellular Biology and how the immune system functions and responds. Student life also appeals to me immensely. The thought of living away from home and being almost totally independent appeals to me because it is a challenge, and one I really want to take. I think I will cope well as I can manage time quite well. I attended Treorchy Comprehensive School and I have enjoyed my years at the school. I sat my GCSEs at the school and I received 4 A grades, 6 B grades, and 1 C grade.

I then went on to further my education in the six form at the school, which has been very successful in recent years. I opted to study Biology, Geography, Physics, and ICT. I received an A grade in Biology, Geography, and Physics at GCSE and they were also very enjoyable subjects so I opted to pursue them at AS level. In my AS level exams I received a B in Biology, a B in Geography, a C in Physics, and a C in ICT. I was pleased with my results and I continued my studies to study Biology, Physics, and Geography at A2 level. I am finding the subjects interesting and a challenge, which is what I wanted from them. I have had two work placements ‘Young & Phillips Chartered Accountants’ in Treorchy, dealing with people’s income and expenditure bills and working out profits and losses. This involved using a spreadsheet in Microsoft Excel. The work experience was very helpful to me, as it gave me my first impression of an office environment. My intended career path used to be that I wanted to work in an office, after work experience I have learned that the day-to-day work is very repetitive.

This helped me in my decision to concentrate on subjects that have some practical work to give me a change from time to time. The other work placement that I have been on is ‘Bridgend County Borough Council’ in Bridgend. The work I was involved in was working with another employee of the council installing white interactive boards in schools. I was involved in talking to teachers in schools, and with the people that worked for Bridgend Council. Both my experiences proved successful and productive. These experiences especially allowed me to use my interpersonal skills to the full. In my references, both employers remarked on my willingness to learn, my enthusiasm and initiative as well as my ability to work with others, and to communicate fairly clearly. I have a variety of hobbies outside school. When time allows, I find playing basketball, and cricket very enjoyable and a change from my studies. I also play pool in my spare time for a local pub team. I enjoy using computers as a hobby, and I am computer literate as I have studied ICT at AS level and my work experience placements have involved a lot of work on a computer. I can fully use a spreadsheet, word processing package, databases, desktop publishing packages, and I can install software easily and work around problems that I come across while using a computer. At present, I am putting most of my effort into achieving the best grades in my A Levels to allow me to reach the next target in my education. I understand that university life will be very challenging, but I am confident that it will give me the best chance to achieve my potential, and lead the way forward to a successful career. I believe that University is the best option for people hoping to get the most out of their career, and those that wish to have the most skilled jobs. I want a successful and promising career and I believe that University is the first step to achieving this aim. I hope that this application indicates that I am a promising candidate.
Comments
Fundamental Flaws

* There should be no mention of which school you attended: it’s removed for a reason. Universities work hard to judge you on academic merit alone, so UCAS intentionally doesn’t show them which school you go to. It’s irrelevant
* Your grades, as well as the subjects you achieved them in, are listed on a separate section of the UCAS form. There is absolutely no need to reiterate that here. If you have exceptionally high UMS marks then it may be worth mentioning these, but only if your referee refuses to do so.

Wording

* Biology is a subject, not just an A-level subject. The “Although” is also unnecessary. You’d be better off with something like “I enjoy / am interested by a wide variety of subjects, but of these I am most keen to continue studying Biology”.
* Don’t mention living away from home or being independent at this stage. Preferably don’t mention it at all, but if you feel the need do so right at the bottom. Your first few paragraphs should be BIOLOGY BIOLOGY BIOLOGY!!!! And nothing else. Similarly you don’t need so much about your other A-level subjects unless you’re going to relate them to Bio and cross-curriculum stuff.
* Write some more about what interests you about cell bio and immunology – have you read any extra books or papers or articles; or is this just from the A-level course?
* Saying you wanted the subjects to be interesting and challenging goes without saying. Scrap it, you’re using up valuable space when you could be singing biological praises.
* If the most relevant thing you can say about your work experience was that you used a spreadsheet, then leave it out. This statement is meant to explain why they should take you on to study Biology, not IT skills. You say it was helpful in introducing you to an office environment – where precisely does that fit into your future as a Biologist?
* Cut down your section on hobbies. Talking about your IT skills isn’t that important either, since things like using Word and Excel are just assumed these days, and the only computer work you’re likely to do is using statistical packages specially built for the job.

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